Ty Ty

I am so grateful for the way God grows us and teaches us. The past few months I have had a sad heart as I have been wrestling through how to be a good mommy to my son. I often feel like I fall short in numerous areas. I love my little boy more than words can say, but often it is beyond challenging to be the mommy of a little guy with special needs. His school schedule is full, his therapy schedule is intense, and the number of "assignments" I get from his therapists each week could keep 10 people busy. Aside from the physical busyness, it can be very emotionally draining. Ty cries at some point during most of his therapies, sometimes for the majority of his therapy. Most sessions involve me practically standing on my head, trying to keep him engaged in what he's supposed to be doing, sometimes they involve me laying on top of him so the therapists can work out the knots in his muscles. It's quite remarkable how strong a 3 year old can be. This usually leads to us both crying. It's exhausting (for both of us). Then there are the daily reports from his teachers. I love Ty's teacher and aides, but they almost always have a suggestion of something new I should be working on. Then there's church. Ty has to have a shadow who stays with him each week to ensure the safety of the other kids in his class. (Serve up the humble pie here.) It's not that he's generally trying to be mean to the other kids, it is just that he gets so excited to see them that he can't help but overwhelm them with affection (sometimes disguised as 3 or 4 slaps on the head.) Turns out most 2 and 3 year old's don't really like that. (Of course Ty has his own sin issues with self control, but usually he reserves those behaviors for his sisters. :) ) Because of Ty's CP, he NEEDS sensory input. But for him to get the same feedback as an average kid, he has to apply about 5 times the pressure. So while it may feel like you've just been smacked on the head, for him it feels like he's rubbing your hair. It's impossible to explain that to little kiddos, not to mention his "gentle" pats really hurt. So we're working on teaching him the difference and what it means to be gentle, but he's 3 and a boy and the learning is a gradual process.

So in the last couple of months, I've been rolling this all together in my mind as I try to understand what God is trying to accomplish in me. Honestly there are days that it overwhelms me and I am tempted to despair, but my desire and my heart is that I would be overwhelmed by the faithfulness of my God. In His infinite goodness, He gave us this precious boy, and He promised to give me (and Ty) everything that we need for life and Godliness. This is an amazing promise from a perfect God. I am grateful for the way God is teaching me to rely on Him for everything - especially the life of this little one.